So as you all know I am now single and able to date. I'm glad that I'm able to date now, but that has opened a whole new world of things that I never thought I would have to go through again. I am scared to death of dating again... in all honesty. I am naive and this is a really bad thing when trying to determine if someone is being truthful or not and with so many other things too. At one moment when I think about dating I am excited and gitty and then when I really think about it, I am so stinkin' scared and petrified! I never thought I would have to go through this again and it's all new and unnerving! All of a sudden I'm thrown into going with my gut instinct, wondering what's going to be said next, and nervous because I don't know what the heck I'm doing! I have only officially gone on 1 date so far and that date didn't go as well as I was hoping... red flags going up everywhere... but I am now emailing a couple of guys and talking on the phone to some guys that I find interesting and fun. I talked to my mom last night and told her about one of the guys and then was given a slew of advise. I am going by my patriarchal blessing, which states that I need to heed my mother's counsel because she has my best interest at heart and has more experience in life. So I am heeding every one of my mom's counseling tips.
1.) Know the guy for at least a year before getting really serious. This way I can see the ups and downs that come with time, am able to talk to family/friends/church leaders and others about past and present questions and concerns, and am able to really tell how the are through time. - Mom and Bishop LaDow's Counsel
2.) Go on a date with at least 10 different guys. I have never really dated (my mom pointed this out) and I need to be able to have something to measure others with. So going on multiple dates will give me lots of different experiences to look at. - Mom's counsel
3.) Have them come to my town first. I have been doing a lot of networking on a LDS singles site and I was told (and think it's wise) to have them come here first so that I can meet them face to face and have it be on my ground/territory. Ok... that sounds weird... but anyways... you get the point. There are a lot of creeps, pedophiles, rapists, and such in the world today and anyone can get an account with an LDS singles site... so better safe than sorry. - Mom's counsel
4.) Always be in groups the first couple of dates. - My Own
5.) Have my sister and brother-in-law, Leah and Thomas, do something with us so that they can tell me things and point things out to me that I might not notice by myself. - Mom's counsel
6.) Always know my self-defense moves. Thank you Super Saturday Self-Defense Class! I really know this works because I was just showing some of the boys in my family what I had learned and downed my nephew when I didn' think I had done anything. It was pretty effective and not hard at all. :) Fun! But serious and handy as well! - My Own
7.) Go to the temple with them for date later on. I actually learned this from a fellow single guy that has had some more experience than me.... and where would you find a better place to meet! - My Own and My Mom agrees :)
So those are just a few of the things that I have set for myself.
It's crazy, I just thought that one of my MiaMaids, Ashli, will be dating in a couple of weeks!... way weird!
If you have any more words of advice or caution please feel free to share them... I am all for help! I hope that I can stick with these things and over time find the right, worthy person for me and Landon to be with.
4 comments:
I would caution about the temple date...You know you will always feel the spirit there and it may be difficult to distinguish what the spirit is telling you, especially when you're with someone your dating. I'm sure you're going on your own as often as possible, and going with someone you're dating would be worthwhile, just don't take feeling the spirit there as a "this is so right to be here with him" type of thing...does that make sense? This is something my Bishop at BYU cautioned us RM sisters about...anyhow...have fun dating!! I didn't date much but certainly had fun "hanging" out with all sorts of friends at BYU.
Thank you so much Dots! I really appreciate that good advise. I hadn't thought of that! Thanks again!
This may not be appreciated as we have a few different views but you asked and I have opinions to!
Don't put to much pressure on the dates. Dating should be fun, a way to meet new friends, or simply to have some adult conversation. Don't go into every date hoping for eternal companionship. Nothing scares guys away faster.
I'm not saying lower your standards or anything but go to have fun... not to get married.
And group dating,in my opinion of course, is pretty overrated. Once you get serious then go on group dates so your friends and family who aren't "blinded by the light" can give honest opinions.
Good luck and have fun!
Thank you John! I really do know that I'm not going to be going on dates thinking, "Is this going to be my eternal companion???" lol... I loved your thoughts, they were good. You are always welcome to share your opinion with me! Thanks again!
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