Balistic Birthday Weekend! :D

(Landon with his Valentine from Daycare. He loved it!)

I truly was dreading my birthday weekend. I almost cried at work a few times the week leading up to it because it was so depressing. My friends that were supposed to spend my birthday with me either got asked out by some guys or had guys come to see them, and I am the odd duck out in my family because everyone else is married. So I was just getting down in my "woe is me" moment.... little did I know what my birthday weekend would entail the fun filled, laugh until I ran to the bathroom, exhausted from doing so much in one day excitement!

I had a couple of visitors at work on Friday. Tiffany came down and gave me a couple of awesome balloons (that Landon is still playing with a week later!) and a card from everyone at work. Then Cheryl popped in and looked like she could have been from a flower/gift delivery place with all the things she had. She is so thoughtful and loving, there's no doubt she's my adopted sister. I love her to pieces. After giving her a little look around at my place (which she's never come to see me at before) she gave me a hug and left me with all the things she'd brought in! Balloons, candy, dove chocolates, card, tea lights, a gorgeous "Family" picture frame, and a huge smile that was left in her wake.

Then I found out that my sisters, Jenny and Leah, with my niece Samantha, planned to take me out to see the movie, He's Just Not That Into You on Friday night! I was so happy to just do something. It was so much fun and I loved the movie although it was raunchy in 2 spots... the theme of the movie was great though, especially for me! I loved GiGi's relationship and friendship with Alex and how that all happened. It was my favorite! Sam watched the kids for us so that we could go without the distractions that always come with kids in theaters. :) But what surprised me even more is when I showed up at the Leah's house to join the group going, Sam gave me a orange rose! I was so shocked that he would be that thoughtful. I was touched and grateful that my brother-in-law thought of me even with all th chaos that was going on that weekend! Thanks Sam again!

I went home and read some of Breaking Dawn after Landon was down for the night and then went to sleep. Landon kept having bad dreams that night and kept climbing into bed with me, so when I heard a knock on the door (after many text messages from Family and Friends wishing me happy birthday) I had to scoot my arm from under his head (which woke him up anyways) and stumble to the door to see who the heck was knocking! My landlady usually waits till midday, but when I looked through the peep hole, it wasn't Sandy. I opened the door and was wincing from how bright it was! My mom stood there in the doorway with a huge smile on her face and said, Happy Birthday! Your surprise! Then she jestered toward my brother-in-law, David's, truck with something wrapped in tarp and tied down... I couldn't recognize what it was until my mom said it... my grandma's piano! We have been trying for ages to get that thing over here from my mom's house to mine. I was the only one of the girls that took an interest in learning to play the piano, and after Landon was born and crawling around I invested in piano lessons that just started me off! But I was sooooooooo surprised! I couldn't believe it! I loved the shock factor, but hated the bed head and pajama attire I was in. Landon of course out of a dead sleep too, flung himself into his NaNa's arms and was a pill the rest of the day. :)

Afterward my mom told me she was staying with me for a couple of nights and going to church with me the next day. I was giving a talk in church in Sacrament Meeting about Fulfilling the Purpose of the Relief Society and thoroughly enjoyed studying for it and preparing for the horrible onslaught of nervous, trembling voice and shaky, sweaty palms, but felt a little better now that I knew my mom was going to be in the audience. :) Plus she offered to come with me to Ellensburg on Sunday morning (which I will forever be grateful for) because it was a little awkward to meet James' friend. Thanks mom for always making me laugh when I don't know what to do. :) I was so happy on Saturday morning, that I felt like I could burst from the inside out. I got ready and hurried to make it over to Leah's house so that we could take the kids to feed the ducks at the pond by the Columbia River.

We ran errands, ate McDonald's and laid the kids down for nap, went to the park to feed the ducks and picked up a flower delivery from my home teachers which was as sweet as they come! Thank you Brother Smith and Aaron! Then my mom dropped me off at Famous Daves to have dinner with Leah, Thomas, Jenny, Sam, and Maria and her husband. We had such good laughs there as well as AMAZING RIBS and CORN BREAD!!!!

and then went to go take the kids out bowling , but nixed that idea and went for Baskin Robbins instead because of the 40 minute wait with 5 kids.... not happening. It was so fun. Then home afterward and sleep soon following a little more last minute studying on my talk.

That night I found out from my ex that he was going to be bringing a friend of his... well not any friend, a friend who was a girl. hahaha... I can laugh about it now, but at the moment I was angry. I didn't know why I was angry, but I was. I was sideswiped and didn't see it coming and in less than 10 hours would be faced with seeing her. James told me that she was a lesbian and the one who watches Landon when he works at the male gay bar as a bouncer on Saturday nights when he has Landon. That sounds so weird to say out loud... definitely not something that I ever thought I would have to say. So I was kinda wanting to meet the person who watched my son when he wasn't with his father, but in his father's care; and at the same time I wish that I didn't have to cross that road yet. I guess you are never "ready" to have your ex bring a member of the opposite sex with them regardless. It went fine of course. Landon was so happy to see his Dad though... he's not seen him since before Halloween, so it was long overdue! He was extatic to see him and it was good to see him excited to go with his father.

So we get back from Ellensburg on Sunday morning and I made some last minute corrections to my talk, and we got ready for church at 1pm. We went and I gave my talk, hurried to put together a lesson for the YW's MiaMaids and then before I knew it Church was over. We went over to Leah's house and had a family birthday gathering. We celebrated Jenny's, Linzey's and my birthdays together. It was nice and fun. I was filled with the tuna casserole before the BBQ meat was already done. Then everyone dispersed and mom and I called it an early night. We got home around 6:45 and my mom was out around 8pm. I went to sleep at 9pm... that is a record in my book, but my body thought it felt like 3am... funny huh? The one night I can do whatever I want because I don't have Landon, I slept.

My birthday was filled with surprises, family, laughs, smiles, dancing, and playing the piano for the first time in a long time. It was good and I don't think it could have gotten any better. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and made it special for me! You are awesome sweethearts!

Alphabet Tag

Alphabet Tag

A. Attached or single? Single

B. Best friend? family: sister, Leah and my mom/girl friends: Alanna, Trista, Kristina/guy friends: Sean

C. Cake or Pie? depends on the mood and the pie... right now pie sounds good

D. Day of Choice? Wednesday... the day I am able to see Cheryl and after work when I get to hang out with the Young Women at Mutual!

E. Essential item? my purse... with chapstick! I hate having chapped lips and it seems to happen a lot! Always has!

F. Favorite color? red, yellow and orange!

G. Gummy bears or worms? gummy bears definitely

H. Hometown? Quincy, Washington - lots of fond memories

I. Indulgence? Rolos, Candles, and anything for Landon... I'm a sucker when it comes to that kid.

J. January or July? July... love the fireworks and BBQs

K. Kids? One two-year-old

L. Life isn't complete without? Family

M. Marriage date? was April 30, 2004, but that was before a lot happened... now divorced.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? I have 4 sisters, 1 younger and 3 older. I feel like I have many adopted sisters and brothers though, including Andrea, Cheryl and Jeremy, and many others I have met and love.

O. Orange or apples? Apples

P. Phobias? Spiders and being eaten by a shark... weird I know...

Q. Quotes? Live each day like it's your last... leave nothing undone.

R. Reasons to smile? My family made my birthday weekend amazing! And Landon is finally potty trained! Woot Woot!

S. Season of Choice? Fall, beautiful trees colors and finally cooling off from the summer... great time.

T. Tag some peeps: All of the Fullmer family, Trista, Andrea, all in the Union Ward Relief Society and anyone else that would like to do it.

U. Unknown fact about me? I used to hate taking bubble baths, but now it's become a calming haven for me... I can't take one without a book in hand though... relax and read with some rolos next to you... what can be better than that for relaxation?

V. Vegetable? broccoli

W. Worst habit? running my fingers through my hair to make sure there's not hairs that are falling out onto my clothes... my sister hates this!

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound... I love to see the images it produces...

Y. Your favorite food? pickles, rolos are the new doves for me, and lasgana

Z. Zodiac sign? Aquarius

Hilarious Skit Night!

This is by far the most I've laughed in a long time. :)

The MiaMaids were in charge of the Joint Activity with the Young Men this month and they decide to do a Night of Spontaneity with some Skits in a Bag. It was so much fun. We had 8 categories in 8 bags. There was 1990's (Fresh Price of Bell Air), Twilight, The Office, Bye Bye Bye - N Sync, High School Musical, and some more. I absolutely loved it. The groups were so creative and I told them that I would post the winning skit that night. It was Twilight if you hadn't already guessed and it was so funny (as you can tell with the judge two down from me constantly laughing so loud!). hahaha anyways... I hope you enjoy it.

Cleansing Through Fire...

Molly Gutke did the most amazing job I have ever seen with putting into words what I was able to experience with her and some other girlfriends whom I have come to love like sisters. It was truly amazing, cleansing, and just plain fun. I am glad that I went and participated in this event and will definitely have some amazing and lasting memories to tie with it. :)

She has many more posting that are just as insightful, if you want to visit her blog site, go to:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=46984789589&h=OpEn7&u=eYVEz

So from the articulate mouth of Molly W. Gutke, my friend, fellow single-mom, and fellow sister in the church:

____________

To Kill a Rat

Some things are just so cleansing and refining that they must be done. One of which is to watch the pieces of an old sweatshirt, from an old boyfriend (or ex-husband), catch fire and burn until all that is left are ashes and a metal zipper. Call it a ritual, a ceremony or even voodoo-esk; but I prefer to call it a rite of passage. Pictures, letters, emails, flowers, sweatshirts, mix-tapes, or any other reminiscent objects are the little things that we indolently leave scattered in the bottom of our purses and closets; convenient little potholes which engulf those memoirs without actually getting rid of them, allowing us to create the illusion of closure. Getting rid of tokens from past heartaches is a way of empowering ourselves with the right to pass through and on to something better.

Watching them burn is my preferred method. At the moment when I am about to toss a memento into the fire I habitually hesitate, and that’s when the angel and devil appear on each shoulder. I become my own mediator, struggling to find a compromise between my head and my heart. But I love this sweatshirt. He looks so hot in this picture. I couldn’t possibly get rid of this letter. Luckily, this is just a speed bump, not a road block and I toss the objects into the fire; watching them be consumed by something more destructive than his words, more absolute than what is meant to be, and yes, something even hotter than him. I let it go. It’s the end of the road and I pass through.

A rite of passage is something more than change. “Change is the process by which the future invades our lives,”¹. I envision a rite of passage as a tunnel between past and future. You enter in by way of a door at one end and exit through a door at the other; a sort of “breezeway” that enables me to keep out the cold air of the past, take off my coat and hat, then enter a warm and cozy room that is my future. Although change does take place in this little decompression tank, it is at my pace and my choosing. The future becomes something that I embrace rather than fear or foolishly try to avoid.

The latest episode of passage, for me, was Friday night. It is always good to pass through with your girlfriends, and ideally ones that need to do some burning of their own. After cutting all ties, deleting phone numbers and email addresses, and even venting some anger at the batting cages, we lit the fires of insurrection and bid farewell to the men, however mistakenly we called them such, who had wreaked havoc on our reality. Each sigh of relief did its part to put the fire out, and when the heat of the last embers dissipated we found ourselves transported beyond the reach of such fraudulent and feeble “men”. The morning after I surfaced as a better version of me and was reminded of a random quote I read somewhere, “Hating someone is like burning down your own house, just to kill a rat.”

1.

1. Alvin Toffler; Quoteland.com

___________

Thank you Molly for articulating more eloquently what I would have squandered in comparison. You are truly gifted with your words, both in writing and speech. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of that night and let me know if another one should come around anytime soon. :)

2008 Review

So the year 2008 was a hard, but good year. It was filled with struggles, new found independence, and finding out who I really was after the real ME had been lost through the past few years. Here are a few happenings of the year:

~ I received my answer in regards to my marriage after months of prayer, fasting, scriptures, and temple trips as well as counseling with my priesthood leaders and acted on it.
~ I moved into my own apartment in Kennewick, Washington and became a new member of the Union Ward, which rocks!
~ Landon started talking more and more and became what he said became coherent. :)

~ I worked at Jiffy Car Wash with Cheryl and Jeremy Gillespie (who are my favorite couple ever!)
~ I planted my own garden of strawberries. It also happened to grow 2 pumpkins! The squirrel in the neighbors yard ate all the strawberries though, better luck next year. lol (below was one of the pumpkins my niece, Aby, carved from the garden!)

~ In July I started working for Mueller's Funeral Homes as an Office Manager.
~ Landon turned 2 this year and loved to play in the water during the summer. This year was so much fun with him!

~Attended my first planned Family Reunion for the McCullen Family (mom's family).

~ My divorce became final in November!
~ I was called to the Young Womens as a MiaMaid Adviser! So blessed with this!
~ My Dad made it through 60 days of sobriety! I'm so proud of him for his work and effort.
~ My grandmother, Doris Ruth Waggoner, passed away a few days before Christmas. We went down to Utah for her funeral and I was able to be one to help dress her, which was special to me.

So these were the highlights of the year. I love life, and even though I get frustrated at moments, the Lord has definitely blessed me with family and friends to surround myself with support and love. I have the gospel and Landon. What more could I ask for?

Psycho Magnet...

"My new nickname for you, Autumn, is Psycho Magnet! Hahaha...." Yep... this is what my brother-in-law, Thomas, told me late last month.

I have gone on dates with 3 guys and so far they have all turned out horribly. My family jokes around with me (ok my brother-in-law and sister) that I have a stalker now, which eventually led to the statement above! My first date turned out to only last 40 minutes or so... the second I wish would have been shorter than it was. That was the most awkward date I've ever been through! My sister, Leah and Thomas were able to experience that one with me and they felt just as awkward as I did. The third guy was just different and not my type at all, but no matter how blunt I tell him that I don't like or am interested in him, he doesn't seem to get it! Ugh!!!!

hahaha... I can laugh now... but it has me wondering if I don't actively search for guys that I like and am attracted to, then will all these "psychos" (as Thomas puts it) keep coming? I know that I'm attracted to the "bad guy" kind that seem to have problems with sex-addictions, pornography, and anything else you can guess... I know! Naive, innocent and trusting girl being drawn to that kind of a guy is surprising, but true nonetheless. I just hope that there are guys out there that will see and pursue me that don't fall into the two categories I've mentioned above. Maybe there's not one left, but I still have to hope. I have decided that I am done trying to "look" for someone (which actually was my epiphany that happened like a two months ago), and if someone ends up coming along then that's great, but I'm not going to actively put myself out there anymore. I see so many happy stories in my friend's lives and would like to make that fantasy family world, my world. I want to eventually have a husband who I am head over heels in love with and who feels the same about me and is an active, worthy member of the Church. I want a small or large family... doesn't matter to me. I just want to be loved again and by someone that I'm attracted to, but not necessarily the "type" that I am pulled toward.

Hahaha... this is filled with oxymorons. I apologize about that! This is where I am in life right now... trying to shake off one guy while hoping to meet a normal one, but not expecting for that to happen anytime soon. :) Random thoughts of a single LDS mother... of course they might not make sense, but they are there nonetheless...