Big Surprise to Me!

I was over at my apartment in May cleaning out the last of my belongings to move into storage or my sister and brother-in-law's house (Leah and Thomas), when Thomas asks me if I saw anything in their bathroom when I went in there yesterday to curl my bangs. I told him that I hadn't. He then told me something that I was not expecting to hear and am so excited about.
Leah is pregnant.

I guess that when I went into the bathroom they had a couple of pregnancy tests there on the top of their toilet and Leah and Thomas were sure I'd seen them, but I didn't. They hadn't told anyone yet and weren't planning on telling the family for another 3 weeks (the first week of June) when Leah would be 3 months along. Her due date is December 16th and Thomas and Leah both hope it's going to be a boy... but will be happy if it's a girl too.

I was totally taken back, because for a long while Leah and Thomas have always been opposite on wanting to have another one. Leah would want one and Thomas wouldn't. Thomas would want one and Leah wouldn't. The latter one was true for these last few months. So when Thomas told me that they were expecting I was in shock. I was happy beyond belief. I just didn't see this coming. Thomas said when he found out he was laughing and jumping up and down.

**Warning**
This will be a very LONG, REFLECTIVE email.


You see I look at this as an opportunity for me to undo all the hurt I caused Leah when she had Linzey at 15. I will illustrate it so you know what exactly I mean when I say that... for all of those who don't know.

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I found out that Leah was pregnant when I was a Senior in High School. I was on the verge of turning 18 and remember it like yesterday when I heard the news from my mom. I was standing in Mr. Stagg's science classroom and after I was told the news from my mom, I remember not even able to make it off the phone without bawling. I turned to Mr. Stagg and told him I had to leave (not sure if he caught what I was trying to say) and ran out of the classroom. It was break between classes so the hallways were full of teens. I dashed to the nearest bathroom, and collapsed on the floor of the nearest open stall (as disgusting as that sounds I didn't care at the moment) and bawled... I didn't care that there were 5 other girls in the bathroom. I just was angry and hurt. Angry that my sister could go against everything she was raised to know was wrong and do it anyway. I was angry that she would do this to our mom. I was angry that I was the only one in the family that was actively attending church and waiting to have physical intimacy. I was just plain angry and hurt. Not even a minute after I had entered the bathroom, my best friend, Alanna, called my name and I let her in the stall. The other girls had exited the bathroom by this time. Alanna asked me what was wrong! I told her that my sister's test came back positive. She looked at me and I won't ever forget the horror on her face as she said, "She's tested positive for AIDS?!?!?!" I quickly informed her that it was NOT that, but being pregnant. To sum it up she composed me enough for me to wait outside the classroom as she got my items and checked me out of school and drove me to the park where we talked and ate lunch.

Now I will give you a brief synopsis of the following few months... I gave Leah and Thomas 2 complete weeks of silent treatment and couldn't even stand to be in the same room with them. That finally broke when I went off on her AND Thomas about being raised to know that what they did was wrong and letting them know I couldn't believe that they did it anyways. Then the following few months I was not a pleasure to live with when it came to my sister. I remember yelling at her (which we did before she was prego, but it intensified), telling her to take my clothes off that she had borrowed up to that point, and moving out of the house because I was the only one who didn't stay up all night because of not having to go to school in the morning.

Leah didn't allow anyone inside her delivery room besides my mom and her coach. So that left Jenny, Misty and I outside in the waiting area for hours waiting... and waiting... until the nurse told us Linzey was about to be born and we headed to the door of Leah's room. We were trying to peak in, but there was a curtain and with 3 of us it wasn't happening... until the nurse at the last minute pulled the curtain so we could see and then we all turned into blubbering idiots in the hallway when Linzey Jade Linton was born.

Just a little over a week later, I was in a car accident on my 18th birthday. I wasn't driving, but it totaled both vehicles and one of the guys in the other car ended up with a broken arm amongst other bruises and scraps resulting from the rollover and their car landing on its top. Ironically we were heading to get a snowboard from a ward member to borrow for me to go snowboarding the following day. I had never been before so I was so stoked for going and with some of my best friends. After the accident, besides a little soreness and bruises, I was still determined to go. And go I did. I had bruises on my bruises and found that I am not coordinated enough to have both my feet stuck to a board attempting to stand up, let alone glide down the hill without falling down. hahaha yeah... it whooped me pretty good. Haven't tried it since...

But back to the story... It was just a week or so after Leah had Linzey and I come romping into the house to grab something. Unbeknown to me, Leah was actually trying to breast-feed and was exposed as I came ambling into the house with 3 friends. So she is trying to throw a blanket over herself to be modest and let people know what she's doing because they want to see Linzey.

I moved back into the house soon afterwards and at night when I was awoken by tiny Linzey's constant cries, I remember thinking to myself, "Good! She deserves everything she gets for going and getting pregnant!" and then falling back to sleep.

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I look back on those times and am truly horrified by my lack of compassion, empathy and service that I could have rendered or tried to render to my sister. I look now and realize that Leah was only 15! She wasn't even old enough to drive and yet she had a baby. The baby she had was extremely colicky and cried most every night all through the night. Linzey was also having a VERY hard time breastfeeding and Leah ended up having mastitis 3 times before she stopped breast feeding when Linzey was 9 months old. Leah also watched her nephew during the day to try to earn some money to buy the diapers and whatnot she needed. Thomas was up at Job Corps. in Curlew, which is up by the Canadian border, getting trained to be a carpenter so he could provide for his very new and young family. Leah had just a couple of close friends that came to see her. She stopped coming to church because she felt like she was being judged and talked about. And yet I continued to pester her and add to the things she had to bear.

It wasn't until I was in college that our relationship went from not being able to barely stand each other to friendship. And since then it's grown into being very close friends and sisters. I have apologized profusely for my treatment of my sister and brother-in-law. I am ashamed of how self-centered I was on top of my judgmental attitude.

So when I heard this news of them being pregnant again... I knew this was going to be different from last time. I find myself making sure that the dishwasher is loaded, counters wiped off, food put away, house picked up, clothes ready to be folded the minute I get to sit down, her bed made (if it's not already), more clothes in the washer/dryer, something heated up for her to eat, and the kids in pjs when she gets home from work, so that Leah can do whatever she wants... which usually tends to be fall asleep as we all sit down to watch tv as I fold clothes and visit.

I know that this pregnancy and beginning months will be different. When Leah is waking up during the night and finds herself wondering how she can do it... I will be there to tell her to go to sleep and let me take care of the little one for a few hours. Or when she can't stand the way the house is but doesn't have the energy to do what needs to be done, I will be the one helping to clean it as she naps.

I know I can't undo what has already been done, even though I wish I could.
I just have to be better this time.



I love my sister, Leah, very much. I look up to her as a woman, a wife, a sister, and a daughter I want to be more like. She is not just my sister now, she is my best friend. She is one that talks sense into me and picks me up on my worst days. She is always there for me and helps me to improve my self-image and find the best bargain items at value village. She has me eating better, exercising more, and going to bed sooner. She is even converting me to wheat bread instead of white. She inspires me to be a better person and sister. :o)

I am excited about this little one growing and joining us in December. I am excited about seeing Leah grow and change and soon have that pregnant glow. I am excited to be able to share my prego clothes (doesn't look like I'll be needing them anytime soon anyways! :)) and to have some words of advice for her along the way during those low days where you're feet swell and you just want to be normal again. I have some things that I didn't have last time... I have sympathy and experience now.